The “Polite Silence” Trap
Your work doesn’t always speak for itself.
Have you ever been in a meeting where you nailed the work, hit every deadline, maybe even pulled off something impressive, and then said… nothing? Didn’t take any credit? Downplayed your contributions?
It’s so easy to let the moment pass, hoping your work would speak for itself.
This is what I call the polite silence trap. It’s when we hold back because we were raised to be humble, or because we don’t want to be seen as bragging or aggressive. But for multicultural women leaders especially, our silence can come across as… invisible.
Many of us grew up in cultures where we do anything to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. Add in workplace dynamics, where women of color are often stereotyped as “too much” if we self-promote, and it can feel safer to stay quiet. I get it.
Self-promotion for multicultural women means strategically communicating your value and impact while staying authentic to your cultural background. Research shows women of color face unique barriers to advancement. The key is transforming "polite silence" into confident advocacy by connecting your efforts to measurable impact, balancing team credit with individual contributions, and building consistent visibility habits that feel natural rather than boastful.
The cost of polite silence
I’m here to tell you a hard truth: Polite silence doesn’t get you noticed. It keeps you stuck.
When we stay quiet, someone else gets the credit. Opportunities pass us by. We end up frustrated, wondering why our hard work isn’t leading to the growth we work so hard to earn.
The Data Behind the Silence
The struggle with self-promotion isn't just in your head; it's backed by research. According to McKinsey's 2024 "Women in the Workplace" study, women of color represent only 7% of C-suite positions, despite being equally ambitious as their counterparts. The report reveals that for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 73 women of color advance, and for Black women, that number drops to just 54.
This "broken rung" phenomenon starts early and compounds throughout careers. When multicultural women leaders practice polite silence, we're not just being humble, we're inadvertently contributing to our own invisibility in systems that already struggle to see our contributions clearly.
The cultural dimension adds another layer. Many of us come from backgrounds where individual recognition feels uncomfortable or even disrespectful to family values. Research in cross-cultural psychology shows that collectivist cultures often emphasize group harmony over individual achievement, creating internal conflict when workplace success requires personal visibility.
Breaking the silence
Here’s the good news: self-promotion doesn’t have to feel fake or arrogant. I’m here to tell you it can feel authentic, grounded, and even generous. Think of it as advocacy, naming the impact of your work so others can see the full picture. Here are a few ways to start:
1. Turn effort into impact
Don’t just say you worked hard. Connect the dots to the value you created.
Instead of: “I put in a lot of hours on this project.”
Try: “I streamlined the process so the team can save 5 hours a week.”
2. Balance “we” and “I”
Celebrate the team – but don’t erase yourself.
Instead of only: “We pulled it off.”
Try: “We pulled it off, and I led the timeline so we could stay on track.”
3. build a “win habit”
Make sharing a routine. Add one sentence to your weekly check-in:
“One thing I contributed this week was negotiating a faster vendor turnaround.”
4. casual confidence
You don’t need a big stage. Try small, natural ways of voicing wins:
“I just wrapped up the quarterly analysis – it was a stretch, but I’m proud of how it came together.”
5. plant visibility seeds
Don’t wait for the finish line. Share progress as you go:
“We’re halfway through the pilot, and my analysis is already showing early wins.”
Each of these examples shifts the spotlight without making you feel like you’re bragging. They help your work get seen, and they model a healthy kind of leadership – one that acknowledges effort, names results, and builds confidence in others too.
After all, your employer has hired you to deliver something. And when you deliver, you’re actually making them look good, too. And the more others advocate for you, the less YOU have to say!
Overcoming Cultural Barriers to Self-Promotion
The Imposter Syndrome Connection
Multicultural women often experience what researchers call "cultural imposter syndrome", feeling like success means betraying cultural values. Recognize that visibility and humility can coexist. Your achievements reflect not just personal success but the strength of your diverse perspective and cultural background.
Microaggressions and Self-Advocacy
When facing microaggressions or bias, strategic self-promotion becomes a form of resistance. By consistently documenting and sharing your contributions, you create an evidence trail that's harder to dismiss or minimize. This isn't about being defensive, it's about being proactive.
Building Your Personal Board of Directors
Cultivate relationships with sponsors and advocates who understand your background and can champion your work in rooms where you're not present. This multiplies your voice without requiring constant self-promotion.
Leadership Visibility Strategies for Women of Color
The Documentation Habit
Keep a "wins journal" tracking not just what you accomplished, but the skills you used and problems you solved. This becomes your resource for performance reviews, interviews, and advancement conversations.
Strategic Storytelling
Learn to tell your professional story in a way that highlights your unique perspective as a multicultural leader. Your diverse background isn't something to downplay; it's a competitive advantage that brings value to teams and organizations.
Navigating Double Standards
Research shows women of color face a double bind: too quiet and we're invisible, too vocal and we're seen as aggressive. The solution is consistent, strategic communication that focuses on impact rather than effort.
Your move
Research consistently shows that multicultural women are among the most ambitious professionals, yet we remain underrepresented in leadership. The gap isn't about capability or drive, it's about visibility and advocacy systems that weren't designed with us in mind.
Think about the last win you stayed quiet about. How could you share it this week in a meeting, a one-on-one, or even in a quick email? (We actually have a channel dedicated to practicing this in our Slack Community, I’d love to invite you!)
You don’t have to shout to be seen. But you do have to step out of the polite silence trap. Your work deserves to be named. Your leadership deserves to be visible. And when you take that step, you’re not just advocating for yourself, you’re opening the door wider for those who will come after you.
Remember, when you step into visibility, you're not just advocating for yourself. You're modeling possibilities for other multicultural women who are watching and learning. Your leadership legacy includes the doors you open and the paths you make visible for others.
PS – Are you feeling like this is an area of growth? Watch the recording of our last Power Friday, The Art of Self Promotion: How to Celebrate Your Wins Without Apology, to go deeper
